food glorious food

People will go to great lengths to get food. They will go to even further lengths to get cheap, slightly tainted food at discount prices. This demand for bargains and price blowouts is as innate as our protective and sexual instincts, something that anthropologists have documented since man's origins. I like to think it is synonomous with scavenging. Some may consider this the action of an "omega" personality (opposite of "alpha", where one would be picking up leftovers of others in the group or foraging and barely getting by), but I think it is the action of awesomeness.

This is why I love the UGO. Not read "You, go!", it stands for the United Grocery Outlet found in Crossville, Tennessee. Wonder what happens to the food in the back of those wrecked trucks on the interstate? Wonder what happens to those runt cattle or the dogs that never shut up? Wonder what happens to all of those kids they can't get anybody to adopt? How about all of the conditioner that people never buy or that was stolen to sell for cocaine? Well wonder no more.

Their meat is cheap. It most certainly comes from the previously mentioned sources, or is black market god knows what. This place is one, at most two steps above dumpster diving, which I am not above trying. Organic food is expensive but worth it when you can get it. The organic food store in Knoxville is supposed to be a pretty good place to dumpster dive, because they throw away excess dried legumes and other stuff that is non-perishable, therein remaining pretty safe. I'm afraid it isn't already someone's turf. So if any of them motherfuckin' hobos want to rumble again, I'm bout it bout it.

With discount meat, cereal, frozen shrimp, generic anything (yes even cheaper than before), loud Mexican children, and more stale chips than you can shake a stick at, the UGO has it all. They even have a kid in the front of the store who depressingly plays fiddle for money*. What more could you ask for? Really, answer me that. I dare you.






*The kid plays Rocky Top like a pro and avoids gospel music. This is cool because he isn't selling out to the Christian ethos and getting cash for playing certain hymns/religious songs. Also, Rocky Top is cool because, um, it just is.