A woman at Wal-Mart had a cellphone with a ringtone that sounded just like the portable phone from The Big Lebowski. I was jealous, of course, but when I noticed she was purposefully ignoring the incoming call, I walked up to her and said, "Your phone's ringin', dude!"

I would've pissed all over myself had she said in a frustrated tone, "Thank you Donnie," but she just looked at me funny, turned her buggy, and fled.

I would like to think that she reacted that way because of her disgust in Americans' constant impersonation of popular culture and the saturation of media into our collective psyche. Even more so, I'd like to think that she was a devout fan of The Big Lebowski, and that my mediocre impression of the late Donnie was completely sub-par and unworthy of her time or appreciation. However, life isn't always what you want it to be, and in all likelihood this woman just wanted her batteries, toilet paper, cereal, hammer, celery, milk, or whatever the fuck it was people want at Wal-Mart, and without my obnoxious observations on her screening of phone calls.

I'm probably unrealistic here, but if she were perturbed for the reasons I'd hoped for, she'd be better off in general.