disclaimer: gross

i have a proud habit which many people might find wierd, which is this: whenever i meet someone with an interesting or gross enough occupation, i ask them what's the grossest or funniest thing they've ever seen. here's what i got.

a doctor whose career spanned 45+ years

1. the baby who was born completely without a head. just some bone and shit sticking out, otherwise rounded off. it was obviously dead.

2. baby with 'cat's cry' syndrome, a genetic disorder involving a deformed face and vocal chords (probably among other things), and a resulting cry that sounds like a cat's shrieking cry (i'm thinking something like the stock audio sound used when somebody scares a cat on TV. call me generic if you must.)

3. the third thing was more of a testament to what a badass this guy was than gross. he was working in an ER back in the day and a guy who was in a car or motorcycle wreck came in with every little tube in his neck sliced open from a poorly place piece of sheet metal. he fixed all of it with the exception of his saliva gland which had to excrete externally to his neck, but that's fabulous considering the circumstances. the guy came back later on just to shake the doctor's hand. *

a cattle farmer: small differentiation

The time a cow with two uteruses gave birth to babies from each. more wierd than gross, i suppose, but still, blechh. that and the time a sheep was born without a head. there was no bone sticking out with this one, just a round bullet shape. i don't want to see this.


a plumber. this is headed exactly where you think it is. turn back now.


he was working on a septic tank with it completely exposed, just a big hole full of "groceries" (as the people in the biz call it), plus mud and whatever else. when i picture this i see a far grosser counterpart to the pit creature that boba fett falls into and dies in Return of the Jedi.

it had been raining that day, and the banks of the hole were all muddy. one of the assistants, in some cruel, cosmic joke, slipped. he then slid down the bank and fell head first into the...doo.

ok, imagine this. he's fallen head first into it, so now he's upside down in crud. he then has to invert himself in it in order to escape while facing direct exposure from a host of evil, evil microbes. Steve-o on Jackass would not do this, and Steve-o clearly has a lot of hate for his own well being. this guy did not have such self-loathing and he had to go through this. anyway, he got turned right side up and screamed for help from the other plumber guys. they couldn't help because they were pissing themselves with laughter.



i know there are more in my memory, but i can't recall them right now. feel free to throw yours in the comments. more importantly, ask people on your own and throw them in, too. teamwork, gang.


*now that i think about it, this guy deserves his own post. more later.